HOW TO DETACH | DR. KIM SAGE

A lot of people have internalised the Buddhist mantra that “all attachment leads to suffering”. They ignore the basic reality that all human life begins with a search for secure dependable attachment of an infant to its caregiver. There’s no contradiction. A secure attachment is required for a healthy detachment later when its role is fulfilled.

Self worth is really the key. I had been so emotionally shut down because I didn't vent my anger. One day I had had it, and I vented all my frustrations out loud when home alone. I noticed I felt better afterwards. I realised that all feelings are valid, they need to be expressed. However they may not all be justified, so using discernment to question them is important as well. When I was able to express my boundaries by saying: "That was not ok. I won't be treated badly. I deserve better". I was able to feel the anger turn into confidence and self worth, which has helped me out of depression.

Thanks Kim 🌷 Your room styling is so calming, soft and relaxing. I'm 63 with Cptsd,  mother and father narcissistic, and grew up with wounds that led me to choosing more Narcissist people and partners in my life. I wish I had information and knowledge when I was younger. I realised my mother was a Narcissist in my 40's when there wasn't much information on the internet. I agree with you regarding the swamping of the term Narcissism on some of your other videos however, the upside is people are more aware of their trauma and pain due to childhood wounds and have more support, help and information. I have detached myself completely, have low self esteem and have become hermit like to protect myself from 'dangerous' people. My therapist who specialises in Childhood trauma, is a wonderful support and your video mirrors her advice. I live in Australia and watch all your videos, they are such a help. With Love

I’ve never heard the term “mothering yourself” and it really spoke to me.

Finally someone who still believes people who need people aren’t doing anything wrong. I also know you have to be able to be your “other”

Another video that feels like it’s made just for me! You’re doing God’s work.

I only recently recognised my tendency to fall into a limerent state as a coping mechanism. And it was earth-shattering. Recently, I met someone and felt connection, and made some far-fetched assumptions. Having not heard from them for a week now, I realised that I'm losing myself over that obsessive preoccupation with what they will do and ignoring my needs. Self-awareness is useful but I find some of those strategies are incredibly hard to put into practice. And some days, I just don't have the energy to conquer those feelings.

Geez... i feel like you are trying to teach me and give me answers to all of my unanswered questions . LIKE why can't i let myself be loved or even liked again. I never thought of my childhood as being abandoned. They were there physically, it is just that bad things happened and i had NO ONE. That is abandonment. Thank you

Be open to everything but attach to nothing.

Watched this video twice.

This is probably one of the MOST thorough and thoughtful explanation of the Actual real life challenge of practicing radical acceptance ❤🙂

You're helping me. I'm 71 years old. My mother was diagnosed with BPD.

I learned with Jesus it is learning to detach to the emotions that are negative. Keeping calm. Prayer really works for me when someone is triggering me. Not perfect but it's not blaming and shaming when you fail. Just apologize and self love and support and try to see how to help better next time. To yourself and anyone you might have lashed out at.

I've watched my family slowly wither and die over the past 30 years so when I finally had to put up boundaries I kind of pretended that they all died in a fire and I've been in shock ever since. I feel I'm finally starting to recover. It's extreme but so was the toxicity I was facing. After all of that said it's really hard to be indifferent to the knowledge I have that the person I could potentially fall in love with could actually destroy me again. I'm pretty sure right now I'm ready to risk that so that is being indifferent and it's a problem for me.

I almost didn't watch this because of the title of the video but I'm glad I did! Certain words really stuck out. Despair, desperation & deprivation. "We care because we are wired to care." Yes!

Exactly what I needed at 4am - obsessing and ruminating over a break up turned messy and confusing bffs. 😔❤️‍🩹

Send them your love but disconnect enough that you can heal. Understand and accept if that relationship is good in the long run or not. Eitherway send them your love and wish them the best. And in the meantime, as jordan peterson out it, treat yourself as someone you actually care for, even if you have to think about yourself as if you were your own child. You wouldn't leave that kid alone right?

Thank you so much. I really apprecitate you sharing this. Honestly, its been a struggle to attempt to act like I don't care when in all reality there was sooooo much hurt inside me for many years and still healing from it. Thank you again 🙏🤍

Dr Sage, your efforts really benefit people like me. I am learning for helping others especially for young generations. Your teaching has a unique way of making complex psychological concepts easier to understand. thank you ! May God continually use you blessing people ! ❤❤

I feel like if I could completely shut down emotionally from wanting to connect to people it would be so much better. In my family or at work or any friend group I’m the least wanted person there. It always feels like I’m only tolerated or included because I can be guilted into doing things for people. And I come off as over eager like I’m so willing to be used because that’s the closest I’ll get to being wanted. I want to detach and shut down and not care. If I could just get to that point I feel like things would be so much better