How Nice Guys Kill

Yes, I confirm that I acted nice out of fear of conflict and exposure. But I realized this about my self and changed my behavior. I realized that goodness can only come from courage and strength, it cannot come from weakness and avoidance.

”Kind is an other-oriented behavior where you demonstrate that you can act in the best interest of others. Kind people perform good deeds for others. A kind person feels empathy and acts in the best interests of others. A kind person is exhibiting strength. A kind person acts from care and love”. Teal Swan. Thank you Teal for talking about this 🌎

Being perceived as a nice guy most of my life has made me suicidal. This video was so accurate and described me and my behaviors perfectly

Excellent video! I used to be a nice guy... what is important to know, that when you are a nice guy you were not born that way. Boys are transformed into nice guys by their bullying parents who lack the initiative to figure out what was the cause of the punished behavior, they just treat the result and do not root out the cause. For me being a nice guy was the only way I could survive the emotional and physical bullying of my parents trying to quick solve issues that were beyond my control as a child. Being assertive, owning my power as a child always got me into the most vulnerable situations with my parents, where I feared for my very survival. This fear of survival got so ingrained that reaching out to my own power, to integrity, to be fully present and responsible in a situation became equal to choosing the worst outcome possible where I am unjustly punished - not just punished, but destroyed, a part of me sentenced to death. When I grew up, I finally learned that when I reach to my power my physical survival is not at stake anymore, and I have the power to defend myself. However, that was only in the conscious level, and I was incapable to let it go from the patterns despite being extremely aware of this issue and constantly working very very hard on it. Shedding the depths of the ingrained pattern on which my very survival depended during the first 20 years of my life took me longer than then next 20 years. Once I shed a layer, I always found there's a deeper one underneath.... My advice for women who have partners with this nice guy behavior: BE COMPASSIONATE AND KIND towards your partner. As a nice guy what has hurt me the most was the same hurt that my parents did to me: that my partner never trusted me that I can become the man I want to be and who she wants me to become. Nice guys do what they do because those closest to them are HURTING THEM when they need help and compassion the most! Compassion and kindness is the only path to reach them. If you start by bullying and forcing them to change, they will wall up even tougher because bullying and gaslighting is what turned them into nice guys. These are the pressure points which will keep them drowning in that behavior. If you, as his dedicated partner show that you are emotionally supporting them, believe in them, they will be able to shed their behavior and grow up to be the man you want them to be. The nice guy WANTS to protect you! However, if you make him feel that he is not loved, he is not trusted, then he will convince himself that he does not have the strength, the foundation to take action. I understand that you want him to be that foundation, that rock. In order for that to happen, you need to take the first step and provide him the nurturing environment so he can feel SAFE, open up and own his own power. You are not to become his mother: his mother was the one who took his power away. You must choose to become his partner, who supports him to own his power. If you do not want him to change, or you do not trust him to go through that change, then go on your separate ways, so you can find the man you trust, and he can find the women who will help him at this stage of his journey. Love, patience, and kindness. They turned into nice guys because their parents did not believe in them, withdrew love and kindness from them, and found it easier to ignore, gaslight and abuse them instead of taking the time and figuring out what their actual problems and needs are, and find strategies to solve them.

Being ''disagreeable'' is a natural and healthy personality trait. Psychologists know this. I feel like the public/status quo doesn't.

“he has abandoned his own daughter without ever leaving the house” hit me so deep. i experienced that and it’s a crazy experience.

She’s so smart. Better than any therapist I know.

When a nice guy does something nice for you he’s actually doing it to serve himself, but he’ll disguise it well.

“Kind men step INTO conflict, ‘nice’ men AVOID IT” 💯☠️

Nice people have disowned their sense of self. They don’t know you can be confident and still be a good person. You can love yourself and not be conceited. They fear conflict because they’ve experienced danger upon saying no, thus they turn agreeable. They people please and self sacrifice to the degree it hurts others.

Three days after watching this video my life has changed so much for the better. I am\was a nice guy. I used to think that that's how everyone should be, but not anymore. Blessing upon you Teal ❤

“A harmless man is not a good man. A good man is capable of great violence, but he has it under voluntary control.” - Jordan Peterson

Don't forget that your best friend isn't going to be nice to you, they will tell it to you straight. Let that sink in.

This was brutal, but helpful. As a "nice guy" I realize I've been afraid of my masculinity my whole life. I don't need shadow work, I need to remove my "nice guy" veil, show the world what kind of person I really am (including all the rage and grief and developmental challenges from hiding since a young age), then learn proper ways to behave..!

Thank you for pointing out that effectively I am a nice guy, and since I do not want to cause other people pain. I am right to be alone.

Many men are told being nice and being liked is the most important thing in life. We are raised to never start conflict. I used to be a 'nice' guy, my mom raised me to respect women and be nice to them, and for years I was frustrated at why no woman wanted me. I changed long ago, but this video is spot on!

I love every time teal drops a hardcore truth bomb and then delicately says after, “Have a nice week.” 😂 so funny

Being nice is a waste, being decent and humble is vital.

You described my husband. Thank you for the warning, although I'm at the end of my life. The thing is all my friends who knew him for 20 years thought he was the epitome of wisdom and grace even though his former wife of 25 years divorced him after the kids were raised.

I was / am the nice guy and had no idea, absolutely no idea. The amount of resentment that I built up from my previous relationship always bothered me, like I was missing something. I consider myself fairly intelligent (not overly) and an empath (exactly due to trauma, which you pointed out in another video) and I just couldn't figure out the problems that I perceived my partner to have...only to realize that I was trying to solve an impossible puzzle as I was the problem in every single instance that I held resentment for. So thanks for your work, not only did all of the resentment dissolve immediately, I have a lot of apologizing / explaining to do as I can only imagine how much damage my behaviour might have done to my partners self image. And while this is no excuse, I really had absolutely no clue whatsoever prior to watching this. (And obviously there's quite a bit of soul searching and other build-up prior to me seeing this video that allowed me to have this almost instant realization)